“We suspect Kidney stones”. I could have told them that. My pain has been unbearable in my back where my kidneys are. The doc refers me for a CT scan and now here I am waiting for my next scan now the contrast is in.
Omg have you had a CT scan before with contrast?! The nurse warned me that I would feel like I’ve wet the bed, I giggled at the thought.
But woah I really felt like I had wet the bed! Even more so when they put the rest of the contrast in. It’s the most bizarre feeling!!
Once they are finished I’m told that the results will be at my doctor by 4pm but they will contact me. I walk out confident that we have confirmed the stones and we can make the next plan.
Monday.
What do you do when faced with the news that they have found something on your lung…. something?!
Like a rib!!!
My mind is spinning, I instantly search “CT scan found something on lung” Instantly it’s articles about nodules that can be non cancerous or CANCER….
C A N C E R………
Wtf! I mean I don’t smoke anymore, I haven’t in 15years. I am not exposed to asbestos, or any other dangerous chemical. So if it is cancer where the hell has it come from. I mean I had a breast lump when I was pregnant with my youngest but that turned out to be non cancerous. I look at the odds of it being cancer…. pretty low but still a chance.
I lie next to my youngest child and sob. Whose going to love them like I do, whose going to cuddle her to sleep. Whose going to make sure her big sister and her stay together. How can I leave two beautiful children behind.
Omg calm the fuck down your getting way to ahead of yourself. I need to wait and see what doc says. There is nothing more I can do, nothing more I can read.
Until Thursday I just need to relax. Ha how am I supposed to do that. Can I just sleep till Thursday.
Fake it until you make it girlfriend, you got this!
Thursday!
Doc is running late…….. mums sitting beside me and we are making small talk.
Finally I’m called. We say hi and I’m straight to the point. How big? He prints out the report to go through it with me. “There was a couple of things……” I’m listening to what he’s saying and reading the report. I feel emotional, is this bad? Is this really happening to me? The words “it could be nothing” are said and although I desperately want to believe them but I need to be realistic too that this could be bad news caught early.
I have a pulmonary nodule 13mm by 11mm on my lung. While this seems small and insignificant it’s not. Nodules bigger than 8mm are of concern. While is may not be cancer the good news is if it is we have caught it early.
So now I wait.
I wait to see a lung specialist. I wait to see what tests are next. I wait to see if it’s benign or malignant.
Cancer or not I’m going to smash this. Nothing’s taking me down.